Episode 20, The Champ writer – ?
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On Main Street USA of New Tronic City, Gen.
Thornton’s army prepares to do battle with the latest alien du jour – an
arrogant behemoth called Po the Obliterator.
Po: Please tell Po that these contraptions are not your heartiest champion? Surely this world has someone worthy of Po’s attention.
I think at
this point Rusty mentions Big Guy, ‘the really tough fighting guy’.
Po: Then bring forth Big Guy, the really tough fighting guy, so that Po may beat him down in humiliating defeat.
BG (arriving): Listen, pal, I’ll fight to keep this country safe for decent people to walk their dogs after dark. I’ll even fight to eliminate the designated hitting rule from baseball, but not to provide cheap thrills for some sick freak.
Eh, I think Po then says he’ll be willing to leave in peace if he can keep BG as a trophy, which BG also refuses. At this point, Po then aims a large energy cannon at a nearby mountain.
Po: See the pretty mountain? (fires and obliterates mountain) Ooops.
Rusty: BG, he’s a jerk!
So BG agrees to meet Po at the old steel factory grounds tomorrow at sunrise to prevent the Earth from being, well, obliterated.
On the Darkhorse, Dwayne runs his crew ragged on BG.
Dwayne: I want you to perform diagnostics on everything … twice.
And the big day is here. The match is even being televised across the globe, including Times Square in New York City. The reporter mentions that if Po wins, he gets to keep BG as a trophy.
Rusty: I know you can beat him, BG! I absolutely, positively, know it!
And Po takes the opportunity for a sucker punch.
Rusty: Hey, that’s cheating!
Then BG aims a hand missile or something at Po – but the end result is that BG loses his hand… or something…
Po: Po can’t believe you fell for that!
BG: (aims elbow ammo) Open wide for the family platter if you liked the main course.
Sadly, the ammo does nothing. Meanwhile, BG is losing power and life support is down.
Thornton: (to Dwayne) BG’s gone night-night. Lieutenant, it’s over. Evacuate.
Po: Po would like to stay and celebrate, but the locals never share his joy.
As he takes off with BG, Dwayne evacuates into a pudlle, which Rusty misses because he’s so shocked and horrified. As is the New Tronic News (NTN).
Reporter: This is a very dark day, the day BG went down for the count. Who will defend our planet from the next menace?
- At Quark headquarters, Gen. Thornton reassures Dwayne about losing the BG unit.
Thornton: We salvaged the only part of the BG that’s irreplaceable – you.
Dwayne: I’m still gonna miss my machine – spent years breaking it in?
So then discussion moves onto plans to build a
BGY-12, when Rusty wanders in, unannounced.
Rusty: Is that Operation Get BG Back?
So then Slate has to explain to Rusty that BG
won’t be coming back, but they’re planning to build another BG instead. Rusty
doesn’t take this well.
Rusty: BG might be a robot, but he’s not just a bunch of parts! (flies off)
Thornton (I think): You’re putting the Earth at risk!
Slate: Come back, Rusty!
But Rusty has already disappeared into space, catching up with Po’s spaceship, which is orbiting Earth. Rusty finds BG trapped in a containment unit, as are other defeated champions. Po meanwhile is watching a replay of his fight.
Po: Bam, bam, bam! Yes! Who’s your daddy? How’d that taste? You like? Want Po to give you some more? Behold Po’s striking figure (removes battle suit to show he is about the same height as Rusty) Pbbt! Whupped him good, whupped him good, whupped him good, whupped him good!
Rusty: (annoyed) Hey! Why don’t you try picking on someone your own size, small guy?
Po: (very angry) Do. Not. Call. Po. Small.
Po gets back into his battle armor, but before he has a chance to attack, Rusty fires a nucleoprotonic blast at the controls that open all the containment units. The defeated champions gang up on Po.
Rusty: Come on, BG, we’re going home. (heads back to Earth and Quark(or the Darkhorse)) Gangway!
Dwayne: (impressed) The kid did it!
Slate: Yes, he’s really done it.
Rusty: (annoyed) Sheesh, isn’t anybody going to thank me?
I believe Slate then explains to Rusty the whole dooming the planet thing with Po’s inevitable return.
Rusty: (smug) When I left he was getting his butt whupped by all the other aliens.
Po: (from spaceship, which has returned to Earth) Po shall reclaim his trophy – and then destroy your planet, just for laughs!
Rusty: Oops. (resigned, flies off to face Po; Slate is resluctant)
Dwayne: Until we get BG, up and running, he’s our only hope.
Po: Where is my trophy? And where is the pipsqueak? (Rusty appears and says something to the affect of fighting Po) Do you plan to defeat Po by making him laugh?
While Rusty stalls Po, Dwayne and his crew work on BG, and are able to get him back to about 70% capacity – not nearly good enough if BG failed to defeat Po at 100%.
Dwayne: That’s why I’ve got a game plan – listen up, people!
Rusty tries to eject Po from his
armor, but fails.
Po: Po’s armor is fingerprint activated. Po feels embarrassed for you, small one.
Fortunately, before Rusty gets seriously creamed,
BG returns.
Po: The Matador Sidestep – that’s a BG move.
BG: Right behind you, sunshine.
Po: Po sees you have returned for another serving of butt whoop.
BG: Bring it on.
Po: Consider it brung. (both fire weapons until they run out of ammo)
BG: Looks like we go old school.
Again, Po grabs BG’s hand and removes it from his body, but this time it explodes.
BG: Fool me twice –
Rusty: Oh, the hand hand grenade! Cool!
BG: (as another hand replaces that one) I always carry a spare; it’s the best way to bowl a steee-rike! (‘bowls’ Po over)
TV Reporter (on the scene): If you’re just returning, BG has miraculously returned and – oh!
BG does his patented belly flop on top of Po; BG wins! Unfortunately, Po decides to take the opportunity to fire the energy cannon on his space ship anyway.
Po: You must forgive Po. He has never lost a fight before. He obviously doesn’t handle it well!
And now we see Dwayne’s plan! While BG was fighting Po, his crew got on board the space ship and have the energy cannon fire at Po instead, destroying his body armour.
Somebody: He’s out!
BG: I can keep on busting you up from now to the fourth of July.
Po: Don’t hurt Po! Po surrenders!
BG: (to public at large) I dedicate this to the kid with unflappable faith. (to Rusty) Appreciate the vote of confidence, champ.