Episode 14, World of Pain
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At a military base somewhere, an alien ship is
spotted, apparently damaged and about to crash land.
Military Guy: Army, I’ve got a bogey over Nebraska.
Thornton: Tourists. Better send over the Welcome Wagon.
So BG and Rusty fly on over to check it out.
Rusty: Could just be visitors who took a wrong turn.
BG: Could be all they want is a warm slice of apple pie and a cup of joe.
BG: As long as you’re not here to enslave our people or defile our cattle, we’ll get along just fine.
Too bad, the ship decides to fire on them, clipping Rusty.
BG: Flank ‘em, kid!
Rusty: That would hurt – if I had pain receptors…
So BG does what he does in any mission where there’s a threat – fire his big missiles.
BG : Those will take the wind out of your sails.
Rusty: It’s alien stomp-a-rama time!
I guess the missles breach the ship, or the aliens give up, because the door opens.
BG: Come out with your hands, mandibles, and/or psuedopods up!
Surprisingly, the threatening aliens look more like a scared humanoid-ish family who beg them not to attack.
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The aliens apologize for firing on BG and Rusty.
Dad NeoCoteri: Our scanners misidentified you.
Mom NeoCoteri: (looking over Rusty) We have damaged the small mechanoid.
Rusty: (correcting) Boy unit.
While the Mom NeoCoteri works to
fix Rusty, the Dad explains why they fled their home planet – they were being
attacked by robots that kind of resembled BG, the Zinkal.
BG: (looking at aliens’ monitor image) I’m much better looking than him.
Apparently, the Zinkal were
created by the planets’ biological species, the Coteri, but eventually the
Zinkal turned on them and the Coteri were wiped out. Some Zinkal were modified with Coteri bio-organic technology and
became the aliens before them, the NeoCoteri.
The Zinkal are trying to wipe out this anomaly as well.
Dad NeoCoteri: Beneath our metal circuitry lie the souls of human beings.
Dwayne: Imagine that.
Mom NeoCoteri: But we would rather feel sadness than feel nothing at all.
- Meanwhile, Rusty is chatting it up with the Kid NeoCoteri about how great life is as a full-fledged robot.
Kid NeoCoteri: Where I come from, mechanoids are evil.
Rusty then notes that the kid
reminds him of Pinocchio.
Kid NeoCoteri: Pinocchio?
Rusty: (digusted) He’s this goofy puppet in a book Dr. Slate gave me, moping around about being a real boy. Blech! It’s supposed to be a happy ending.
Rusty’s circuitry then starts
acting funny and Rusty notes that he feel strange.
Dad NeoCoteri: Perhaps out technology is interfacing with yours.
Rusty: (confused) Um, okey dokey.
- At Quark, Dr. Slate is fascinated by what Rusty is telling her about the NeoCoteri.
Slate: It sounds like they have biomechanical versions of the emotions grid.
While they’re talking, Rusty is
busy touching things – and actually reacting to them. The wood feels smooth, the coffee feel shot, and the quiche feels
‘squishy’.
Slate: (uneasy) That’s what your scanner readouts are indicating, right?
Rusty: (tasting) Yuck! I don’t think I like quiche.
Slate: (very concerned) But… you don’t have a tactile sensation grid.
But before she can investigate, the BG signal goes off, and Rusty flies out of the building.
Slate: I hate when he does that.
- Rusty meets up with BG in a forest.
Rusty: I’m rarin’ to go, BG
BG: Get ready to make some noise.
Apparently, the Zinkal have arrived in search of the NeoCoteri.
BG: On this planet, robots help, not hurt.
Rusty: Yeah!
Zinkal: Corrupt programming (fires at Rusty and BG).
Rusty: Ha ha, no pain recep- oww! It hurts it hurts it hurts! (collapses in pain)
As Rusty rolls around in pain, BG is forced to face off against all the Zinkal alone.
BG: Soon as I’m through dispensing full metal justice.
BG whales on enough Zinkal to scoop up Rusty and fly off.
BG: Hold on, son – we’ll get you to Dr. Slate.
But the Zinkal are right behind with their special weapon
Zinkal: Biomechanical disruptor on-line (fires and misses)
BG: (grabs tree to take on Zinkal) Batter up!
BG’s able to swing and take out the Zinkal tailing him.
BG: Heads, you lose.
The other Zinkal are distracted by a noise that signals their return to the mother ship – it also damages Rusty’s sensitive new hearing.
Rusty: Ow! Turn it off!
- Back at Quark, Dr. Slate examines Rusty’s new physiology.
Rusty (realizing): Aah, I’m becoming a real boy!
Slate: Don’t worry, Rusty, I’ll find a way to reverse the process. (Rusty runs off)
Dwayne: Poor kid. He’s going to hate sitting around the lab.
Later on, BG and Thornton are convinving the NeoCoteri to go into hiding I don’t remember where to be safe from the Zinkal. They note that BG will be guarding them.
Kid NeoCoteri: What about the Rusty unit?
The Rusty unit is currently back at Quark in his room, grumpily reading Pinocchio.
Rusty: (flips pages) Phooey. Rotten. I don’t wanna be Pinocchio. He didn’t fight alien scum or manic robots or anyone – ow! (gets papercut)
Rusty subsequently flies off to help BG protect the NeoCoteri, saying he would rather just go out with a bang. At the same time, the Zenkal are arriving to get the NeoCoteri.
BG: Here come the homewreckers
Rusty arrives to help, and BG asks him if he’ll be OK.
Rusty: Sure as shootin’, pain’s all in the- ow! My toe! I stubbed my toe! I’m sorry, BG. I’m soo sorry!
The Zenkal arrive at aim at BG and Rusty.
Rusty: Ahh! It’s going to hurt! Don’t hurt me don’t hurt me don’t hurt me! (runs off to hide)
Zenkal: Step aside – you are outnumbered.
BG: Superior numbers are no match for superior fire power.
Dwayne:…in theory, anyway.
Anyway, the Zenkal begin to attack BG to get past him and to the NeoCoteri.
BG: (taking out
some Zenkal) Do not pass Go! (some Zenkal sneak past) They’re wily.
BG follows the Zenkal right to the NeoCoteri, who are abou tot get blasted.
BG: Someone call
fro an exterminator? (takes out some Zenkal) Sorry, Charlie – they’re not
seeing visitors.
Still, one get past BG after it is severely injured (even Dwayne takes a hit from the inside) and attacks the NeoCoteri. The Dad takes the hit for the family from the biomech disruptor, and his skin melts away, revealing a robot skeleton.
BG: Sweet Betsy
Ross!
At this point, BG is pinned to the ground by
several Zenkal, and more are starting to menace the mother and son NeoCoteri.
BG: Could use some
backup, son.
Rusty: (from hiding
place) I’m scared, BG.
Dwayne: (suddenly
connecting something from seeing the Dad NeoCoteri’s skeleton) Wait a
second! Doc, I need a consult.
Slate and Dwayne realize that the Zenkal’s biomech disruptor eliminates bioorganic matter, leaving nothing left but the original robotic skeleton. So, if Rusty takes a hit from the disruptor…
BG: Front and
center, soldier.
Rusty: But… that’ll
hurt.
BG: Only for a
moment, son, like taking off a bandage… but then you’ll be 100% robot.
This enourages
Rusty enough to leave his hiding place and place himself in front of the mother
and son NeoCoteri to take the hit.
Kid NeoCoteri: No!
BG: Did it work?
Kid?
Rusty (with intact
head and skeletal body): Hey, that didn’t hurt one bit! (knocks self) I’m all ‘bot!
BG: Welcome back to
the front lines, son!
Rusty and BG then proceed to beat up on the Zenkal, and then BG flies off to destroy the mother ship.
BG: (launches
missles) Red hots! Get your red hots!
Kid NeoCoteri: All
right, Big Guy unit!
-
At Quark headquarters, Slate is able to restore the
Dad NeoCoteri by adapting their enhanced repair technology.
Mom NeoCoteri: Are you alright?
Dad NeoCoteri: I am… operational.
BG: No reason you folks can’t stick around fro a slice of warm apple pie and a cup of joe.
Rusty gives the Kid NeoCoteri his copy of
Pinocchio, since he no longer needs it.
After all, who would want to be a real boy?
Rusty: No pain receptors, right BG?
Dwayne: (bandaging up his injured hand) That’s right, Rusty – ow!