Episode 15, Envy, Thy Name is Blob writer – Donald Stefan
-
At Quark, Dr. Slate is explaining her latest
experiment, a nanotech-based robo gel, to a highly distracted Rusty..
Slate: In the animal kingdom, species recognize each other by scent or phermones. I’m trying to duplicate this phenomenon artificially, Rusty.
Rusty: Huh?
It’s around this point that Donovan and Jenny come by. I forget how, but the experiment gets upset and the gel leaves a trail on the floor until Rusty picks it up – but it’s not a slime trail.
Donovan: Get a load of that shine!
Jenny: Clean enough to eat off of, if you’re into that thing.
Slate: It must be a by-product of the binding compound.
Donovan: Binding, schminding, we’re sitting on a gold mine here.
Rusty: Binding, schminding – that’s funny!
Donovan: I’m seeing the future here, Slate –
Jenny: - and it’s so shiny, you can see his monkey in it.
Donovan (to radio): Code 3, Dr. Slate’s room.
TV Announcer: Quark Industries, the people that brought you the Big Guy, bring you the latest defense – against dirt. Just pop open a can and it does the rest.
Jingle: For the cleanest gleam, you’ve ever seen, it’s more than clean, it’s Squeaky Gleam!
TV Announcer: - leaves no residues
It turns out this commercial is being watched by none other than Donovan and Jenny.
Donovan: Y’know, Jenny, I’m thinking of buying Guam.
Jenny: Ka-ching, ka-ching!
-
As usual, New Tronic city is under attack, this time
by alien plant things shaped like Venus flytraps. BG and Rusty are on the case.
BG: Looking for insects? Try these flying treats. (fires missles) Say hello to my weed whacker (whips out bladesaw in elbow)
Rusty: Say hello to my green thumb. (fires finger blaster)
The ensuing battle leaves both
slimy and kind of nasty. While they’re
trying to figure out exactly what the plant things were, Donovan and Jenny drive
up.
Donovan: So there is life on Venus.
BG: Now’s not a good time.
Donovan: You’d be just perfect for our new ad campaign (whips out sample of Squeaky Gleam)
Jenny: ‘After a hard day of battling mutants, nothing makes my armor sparkle like Squeaky Gleam.’
BG: The Big Guy name is not for sale (walks off)
Donovan: (calling after) Free enterprise is one of the building blocks of this great empire! (to Jenny) Maybe Seinfeld will do it.
Donovan leaves the sample can
neglected, so Rusty decides to take it back to Quark and make a pet of it, as
he tells Dr. Slate..
Rusty: I named him Squeaky.
Slate’s just happy to have a
sample she can run more tests on, but she’s then approached by a scientist
named Huckel, a guy she blew off already.
Huckel: You told the old me. You’re now in the presence of Quark’s Techie of the Month (shows Slate)
Slate: It’s… nicely laminated.
Huckel asks Slate again, and
unfortunately, she’s free tonight.
Huckel: Oh! Oh! Oh! Then how about a movie? (touches Slate’s shoulder; for some reason, this sets of Rusty’s Squeaky)
- At the theater, Slate and Huckel are watching some fire-breathing dragon movie .
Huckel: Thrilling, no?
Slate: No. (looks down) Sticky floor.
But it’s not used candy, rather a
blob-like menace has entered the movie theater and is coming towards them. They take off running (Huckel screams like a
woman) and I believe make it outside, where they run into BG and Rusty.
BG: (to blob behind him) Tough break, slime.
Dwayne: (surprised) Slate’s dating this guy?
I forget what happens exactly, but
Rusty somehow manages to draw the blob away and keep it in the building.
BG: Nice interference, son.
This distraction allows BG to get
Slate and Huckel to a safer, quieter street. BG hails a cab for them.
Taxi driver: Uh, I don’t think you’ll fit, Mr. BG.
BG: Please drive, citizen.
With Slate and Huckel gone, BG
turns his attention back to the blob in the theater – only, it’s gone now.
BG: He’s wily, for an overgrown amoeba.
Meanwhile, in another part of
town, Huckel and Slate are ending their date.
Huckel: I hope we can do this again sometime, Erika. I mean, uh, except for, uh, the killer blob part.
And now we know where the blob went – it comes up and attacks Huckel, carrying him off.
Huckel: (whiny, girlish wail) What does it waaaant?
And BG and Rusty are still trying
to figure out where the blob went.
?: One size fits all
Dwayne: (confused) A slug that size oughta leave a slime line wider than a Yugo.
- At Quark, Rusty is recounting his adventure with his ‘pet’...
Rusty: …kinda like you, except it was mean.
…while Slate and Dwayne engage
in awkward conversation.
Slate: Hey, Lieutenant.
Dwayne: You all right, doc? I, uh, heard you ran into trouble.
Slate: I’m alright. It wanted Huckel.
Dwayne: (uneasy) So, uh, I didn’t realize you were seeing someone.
Before Slate has to explain that minefield, a
robot shows up bearing an invitation for the Quark Stockholders Ball, which
Slate really doesn’t want to attend; Dwayne doesn’t see why she can’t get out
of it.
Slate: Not an option. Attendance is mandatory. You wouldn’t want to – oh, nevermind.
Dwayne: Go with - ?
Slate: Well, you just, uh, -
Dwayne: If putty g shows up, BG won’t be far behind.
Slate: Why not? I, uh, mean in case the blob shows up.
Dwayne: It’s not a date or anything.
Rusty: (overhearing) You guys are going on a date?!
Slate: All right, Lieutenant, you can pick me up at 1900 hours.
- At the Ball, Donovan and a dressed-up Jenny meet and greet.
Jenny: You try making nicey nice with your slip riding up.
Meanwhile, Dwayne picks up a very nicely dressed Slate at Quark in his convertible.
Slate: Evening, Lieutenant.
Dwayne: Oh.
And inside, it’s just Rusty and his pet.
Rusty: We’re stuck at home while the grownups are out having fun.
He lets Squeaky out to play, and it promptly disappears. Rusty follows it down a storm drain and into the sewers.
Rusty: I know you’re around here, I can hear you wheezing. (thinks about this) Wheezing?
When Rusty reaches the source, he finds a still-breathing Huckel slimed to a wall.
Rusty: Hey, you’re the Techie of the Month!
Little blobs of slime come to attack him.
Rusty: Whoa, a whole mess of Squeakies! (Squeakies combine and Rusty realizes) You and your friends are the blob thing! Bad squeakies! (frees Huckel and runs)
Huckel: Rusty, I-I love you! (hugs)
Rusty: …I’m going to warn everyone now, OK? (quickly flies off).
- Meanwhile, Slate and Dwayne have arrived at the Stockholders Ball.
Slate and Dwayne: It’s not a date.
Jenny: I like these soirees; I’m not the only one in a monkey suit.
Shareholder: Sales growth is unprecedented.
Donovan: I have my methods.
Slate: I can vouch. He has very oily methods (Slate and Dwayne snicker and walk off)
Slate: Shall we, uh –
Dwayne: - go bowling?
Slate: Dance.
Donovan: May I cut in? (takes Slate away by the wrist)
Dwayne: Hey!
Donovan: Dr. Slate, we need to have a little chit-chat about someone’s attitude problem.
While Dwayne’s disgruntled and alone, he notices that the blob is starting to leak into the convention center, and is coming after him.
Dwayne (to his crew): Guys, we have a party crasher. Send in the bouncer.
Jo or Mac or whoever: We’re right outside with a change of clothes.
The blob also attacks Donovan, carrying him off in a wave of goo.
Donovan: Jenny, help!
Jenny: As if! (leaves)
Dwayne realizes the blob has somehow sealed them in , and Slate meanwhile sees a pattern to the blob’s attacks.
Dwayne: Yeah – it doesn’t like your gentlemen callers. (prepares to leave through a hatch in the ceiling before the blob gets to it) Careful, Doc.
Slate: Don’t worry - I still don’t think it’s after me. (watches Dwayne leave) Party’s over. Time to slip into something more comfortable. (puts on glasses)
Jenny: Likewise (takes off dress)
Dwayne: (to crew) I
would’ve got here sooner, but old Jelly Belly’s done a little weather stripping
on the exits.
BG manages to get the doors open from the outside and is trying to figure out how to save Donovan when Rusty pops up from under a fountain.
Rusty: It’s a bunch
of squishies stuck together to make one big squishy, I mean, blob thing
(notices Slate’s outfit) Nice dress.
Slate quickly figures out that the phermone treatment in each Squeaky must be causing them to jealously react to any male competitors.
Jenny: I wouldn’t
get a swelled head. It is a floor cleaner.
BG has come up with a plan to snag Donovan as the blob is exiting with him, involving some fencing.
BG: The old
colander trick. Lend a hand, boy robot.
He and Rusty hold up the fencing so that the blob passes through but leaves Donovan behind. Instead, the blob begins to attack BG since Dwayne is inside, and he begins to run out of air as the inside fills up.
Dwayne: Swift, Hunter!
Slate: I’m very angry with you. All of you. Now, I want you to come out of there right now, or you’ll get no more love from me. (pause) I’m waiting.
Jenny: Like that’s going to work.
Blob removes itself from BG and turns back into
thousands of Squeaky Gleams.
Rusty: Good squeakies!
BG: (looking at clean body) What do you know? Little guys really do one heck of a spit shine.