Episode 16, Donovan’s Brainiac writer – Duane Capone
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At Dr. Slate’s lab in Quark, everyone’s finally
attempting to unlock whatever secret are still stashed in Legion ex Machina
#4’s head. This time, BG is performing
the bomb defusion sequence in side a protective shell.
BG: We might find out who made these robot-making robots.
Rusty exposits that if he doesn’t defuse the bomb inside the brain in time, everyone will be in trouble.
BG: Don’t worry, son – staring contest, and I don’t blink.
And the tense procedure begins, as the time ticks off on the bomb.
Dwayne: Come on, defuse already.
Slate: If the brain blows, nobody wins!
Thornton: Disengage, repeat disengage!
BG reluctantly gives up, stopping the sequence at 6 seconds.
Rusty: Does this
mean we don’t get to know their secrets?
Pierre: Yes, yes, let’s have a look inside. (opens Rusty’s head) Rusty has a P-55 chip? (to Slate) How did you procure one?
Slate (annoyed): I designed them… Who are you? Are you related to Donovan?
Donovan and Jenny finally show up.
Jenny: Poofy hair is a family affair.
Donovan explains that Pierre is a certified genius currently working on a science fair project.
Rusty: (impressed) Pierre, you must be a genius.
Donovan: Takes after his uncle.
Jenny: You have a brother? Joking!
Donovan: Better be nice, Jenny – he’ll rule the world someday.
Pierre says something about being bored and wanting to explore for parts for his project – Rusty volunteers to show him around.
Donovan: ‘Bye, then. Happy scavenging.
Jenny: Don’t fall into anything sharp.
Meanwhile, Rusty observes Pierre’s work so far – a somewhat impressive toy-looking robot. Rusty asks why .
Pierre: I do it for the prestige… and the grand prize winner gets to jam with Hanson!
Rusty: You sure as shootin’ are smart, Pierre.
Pierre: Yes, but I still lack a brain.
Rusty: I know where there’s a spare brain … (hesitant) that you can’t have.
Pierre convinces Rusty that he just wants to look at the brain for research, so Rusty shows him the room where it’s kept, but the door is code-locked, and Rusty says they can’t get inside.
Pierre: (annoyed) Rusty, you are a robot, aren’t you?
Rusty: Yes…
Pierre: Then use your S-23 code-breaking chip!
Rusty figures out the code, and Pierre takes note of the buttons pushed. They go in and look at #4’s head, but then as Rusty leaves the corridor with Pierre, his BG signal goes off, and he flies off. Pierre then proceeds to break back in and steal the brain. Back at his research facility, Pierre, marvels over the brain in his completed work.
Pierre: Sweet Newton’s apple – this is beyond state of the art!
#4: I-I how did I get here? Who are you?
Pierre: It’s alive? (excited) Alive! Mobility grid, voice synthesizer, a British accent? (impressed) It’s cultivated.
#4: (happens to look in mirror) Aaah!
Pierre: (addressing #4) I am your creator! Together we’ll conquer the science fair, or I’ll rip out your D-cells!
#4: I don’t think so! Cheerio! (clumsily leaves)
Pierre: Come back here, or I’ll tell Uncle! Really, I will!
- At Dr. Slate’s lab, Pierre comes calling.
Pierre: May Rudy come out and play, ma’am?
Rusty: Sure, Pierre, but my name is – (gets yanked off by Pierre)
Slate: (annoyed) Yuck, Donovans.
Rusty: Wow, no one ever visits me. You must really like me!
Pierre: Whatever flips your chips. Listen, Ricky, I’m having some trouble with my robot – it seems to have a mind of its own.
Rusty: (suspicious) Pierre, you didn’t steal it, did you?
Pierre: I merely used knowledge to gain access.
So, the gist of it is that Pierre
needs Rusty’s help to recapture the robot.
Rusty suggests flying.
Rusty: I won’t drop you – the BG’s signal (drops Pierre) Whoopsy-daisy!
Pierre’s less
than thrilled with involving BG in his mission when Rusty suggests it.
Pierre: That steel-headed galoot would tear apart my magnum opus.
- Wandering the streets of New Tronic City is a disoriented #4.
#4: I must shed this inadequate form and reclaim my exoskeleton.
Pierre: (with Rusty, above) There! My masterpiece!
Rusty: (surprised) Wow, this pretty much worked out.
#4: (to Pierre and Rusty) Of course. He must be the architect of this outrage against me.
Rusty: Oh, Pierre, he’s a looker!
Pierre: (hiding) Just seize him – chop, chop!
#4: (moving menacingly toward Rusty): I shall tear you apart, boy robot.
Rusty: He’s a Legion ex Machina-bot!
#4: The once and future #4! (gets hit by a bus) A pox on you, boy robot!
- Meanwhile, at Legion headquarters, #4’s colleagues are following the proceedings and plan to send the ARX-70 to recover him; but then they recall how off #4 has been lately.
Legion Member: Inefficient, ineffective, imbecilic even. I shall reprogram ARX-70 for search and destroy.
Meanwhile, they observe that BG has now arrived on the scene.
BG: Mechanic on duty!
Rusty: Big Guy!
BG: Let’s have a look under the hood. (picks up newly arrived ARX-70) Cracked engine block. Another one for the scrap heap.
#4, finally communicating with
the Legion, recounts his humiliating day
#4: … And I have been fitted with this utterly inadequate superstructure.
Legion Member: (to ARX-70) Fetch him with extreme prejudice.
#4: (realizing he’s been betrayed) How insolent!
#4 makes a break for it, with the ARX-70 firing after it, and BG firing at the ARX-70. Pierre also follows.
Pierre: They’ll ding his Adonis-like chassis!
#4 makes it to a munitions factory, where he builds himself a shiny new body. Meanwhile, BG is quizzing Rusty.
BG: …so I assume you went solo without authorization.
Rusty: I was using knowledge to gain access.
BG: Son, that’s lawyer talk. (notices new and improved #4) Duck and cover, kids! (blocks them, getting knocked out in the process)
Pierre: (as #4 looms toward them, to BG) What’s wrong with you? Help us! Getupgetupgetup!
Eh, he somehow takes out Rusty, and the next
thing the two know, they’re tied up to a microfusion generator.
- And at Quark, Donovan shows up in Slate’s lab.
Donovan: Ms Slate, have you seen Pierre?
Pierre and Rusty come to at the generator thing.
Pierre: Please, let us go!
#4: I’ve recalibrated the positron accelerator to overload in five minutes; the plate will drop and ignite a fusion course, creating a massive heat flash and destroying New Tronic City. Oh, and best of all, it will fry both of you.
Pierre: Please, please let me go. My uncle is very rich; he can give you money!
Rusty: (annoyed) Hellooo, robot! What’s he going to buy?
Slate, Jenny, and Donovan meet up with BG outside the generator factory.
Donovan: Where’s Pierre?
BG: Getting his degree in mass destruction, no doubt.
BG busts into the facility to save the two.
BG (to #4): Hey,
fashion plate!
Donovan: Pierre,
have no fear, Uncle Axel is here.
I guess some exposition occurs here where the rescuers realize that #4 has set a meltdown in motion. BG has freed Pierre and Rusty, and disabled #4’s new exoskeleton, but #4 still escapes.
#4: I have no need
to destroy you! That will occur in, oh,
a minute or so.
Donovan: If you
don’t fix this, Slate, you’re fired!
Eh, Slate says something about being able to restore the microfusion technology, but she needs time. Rusty volunteers to hold the plates apart long enough.
Slate: Rusty, hang
in there.
#4: (waiting for
meltdown) Is my watch fast?
Dr. Slate restores the technology, preventing the meltdown. Yay!
BG (to#4,
restarting the brain insertion sequence): We’ve got some unfinished business.
#4: You’ll destroy
us both!
BG: Nope, just you,
chief!
#4: Nooooo!
BG is able to finish the brain extraction sequence and not get blown up by detaching his arm and flying away. #4 explodes, and at Legion Headquarters…
Legion Member: I
see they have nullified #4 – bravo.
And back at the generator site…
Rusty: I know
someone who won’t be jamming with Hanson.
Pierre: (gasps) The
fair’s tomorrow!
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And the show ends at Pierre’s science fair, where
he’s cobbled together one last experiment.
Pierre: (stilted) Since the dawn of recorded time, a single question has burned in the consciousness of humankind – Why don’t monkeys float?
Jenny: (in a dunking booth style apparatus, to Donovan) I will remember this, Dr. D – you will pay.