Episode 19, 5000 Fingers of Rusty writer – Allex Van Dyne
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At Quark, Donovan is raving about a new mass-market
breakthrough, the HVR prototype.
Jenny: That’s what you said about meat-flavored toothpaste.
Donovan: (sees prototype moving) It’s alive! And… walking? (prototype wanders off)
Jenny: Where’s it going?
In the
hallway, Rusty runs into the prototype.
Rusty: Oops! Pardon…me? Hey, you look just like me!
Home Version Rusty: Sure as shootin’ do! I’m Rusty the boy robot!
Rusty: So am I! Hey, wait a second…
Slate: (appears) Rusty, I’ve been looking all over for (sees both Rustys, is confused)…one of you. (to Donovan who’s just appeared) Donovan, what’s going on?
Jenny: Joe Consumer loves Rusty. So, this is the home version.
Donovan: Imagine a little robot helper in every home.
Rusty: Hey, my nose doesn’t really look like that, does it?
Eh, Slate voices some concerns about having fully functional, powerful Rusty in every home, but Donovan points out that these units run on simple batteries rather than nucleoprotonic power.
Donovan: No fear with Rusty-lite, sugar pop. (walks off with HVR; Slate still looks concerned)
Announcer: Quark Industries, the people who brought you Rusty the boy robot now introduce the latest in domestic technology – home version Rusty!
He’s a paperweight, a basketball, a doorstop, a burglar alarm! He also entertains, does yardwork, and washes your car! He’ll even clean up after your pet!
HVR: No smell receptors!
Jingle: Sweet as pie, he’s never mean; Home Version Rusty helps you clean!
Disclaimer: Home Version Rusty cannot fly or defeat invading robots.
Unfortunately, some of the people watching the commercial are the Legion ex Machina, who figure that these knockoff Rustys could be useful.
Legion: They are readily receptive for control by the Legion and can be easily converted to weapons of destruction.
- Not surprisingly, Rusty and BG are called in to help out some customers with a disgruntled HVR.
Rusty: Hey, what’s going on? (sees HVR cornering some people) Aahhh! Hey, robots don’t hurt humans!
HVR: Okey doke.
BG arrives and is a little confused at first.
Rusty: BG, it’s me! Can’t you tell?
BG (to HVR): Just between us professionals, we do monsters, not home repairs.
HVR: I’m going to destroy them and stuff.
BG:(takes off HVR’s head, immobilizing it) That’s why they call them knockoffs.
At Quark, Slate examines the HVR and notes the insertion of nucleoprotonics and says that it’s not the Rusty Quark put out.
BG: Not unless your name is Rusty ex Machina. It’s factory recall time.
BG and Rusty go off to round up the HVRs, but already a large group of them have amassed and are heading toward Quark.
BG: Parade’s over, boys. Pack it up and go on home.
Rusty: Listen up, it’s me! Rusty Senior. I am your father.
BG: Son, nothing personal. (fires on HVRs)
Rusty: Oooh, sure glad they don’t have pain receptors
BG: (some of the HVRs self-destruct while the rest head to Quark) Wily little kamikazes.
Slate gets on the wire and tells Dwayne HVRs are invading Quark.
Slate: Right here, right now.
Dwayne: Doc, I don’t just think they’re after you.
HVRs: (to Slate) Getting in our way is no darn good. You sure as shootin’ will come with us.
Slate is herded into a room with other Quark employees, including a distraught Donovan.
Donovan: Jenny, this is terrible! What if their owners demand refunds?
Jenny: No biggie, ‘cause we’ll all be dead by then. Who ever imagined evil could be so…cute.
By now, BG and Rusty are scooping out the situation at Quark.
BG: Your buddies have a spiffy new clubhouse, complete with hostages, no doubt.
Eh, I’m not sure how, but they determine that all
the HVRs are being controlled by a radio link somewhere.
BG: Could find the link, or I could cold-cock 5,000 Rusty-wannabes with a 300-yard range EM bomb.
In order for the bomb to work, it would have to be placed within 300 yards of the HVRs inside Quark.
Rusty: The place is crawling with Rustys – bad ones, I mean. We need someone to go undercover – but who?
And at Legion headquarters, the ex Machina discuss their goal – to annihilate New Tronic City in a human heartbeat.
- Rusty sneaks out of Room 1247 in Quark, the janitor’s closet and tries to blend in with the HVRs.
Rusty: Greetings, friend. Hello, nice nose. (to self) Be yourself, be yourself, be yourself.
Slate somewhow knows what’s going
on and is in contact with Dwayne, reminding him that Rusty will have to be 301
yards away or his operating system will melt down as well. Rusty has the bomb attached like a fanny
pack on his waist, and is now being regarded with some suspicion by the HVRs on
the roof of Quark.
BG: Kid needs to work on his impressions.
HVR #1: He’s OK.
HVR #2: His nose is all wrong.
Rusty: (frustrated) I’m the original, you knock-me-offs! (realizes he’s blown his cover) I can’t blend in with the crowd, so I’ll just have to be myself. (plans to set off bomb) Come and get it, you crummy hunks of junk!
BG: (arrives with missle) Candy gram for the lollipop guild. (looks for Rusty) Rusty?
HVRs: Yes?
BG: For the love of Mike. (HVRs start making a formation on the roof) I don’t think they’re breaking for naptime.
HVR: The time is upon us. Forge the link. (HVRs hold hands in formation and prepare to fire a massive nucleoprotonic blast; Rusty looks nervous but prepared to fire EM bomb)
Legion: Soon New Tronic City will be a vacant real estate, a prime location for a robot uptopia.
BG: (looking for Rusty) Talk about finding your needle in a haystack. (spies Rusty prepared to sacrifice himself) Kid reminds me of me
BG takes Rusty out of the
formation and removes the EM bomb.
BG: Quarterback drops back to pass.(tosses EM bomb at HVRs and flies away from Quark) 250, 275, 300, 301…touchdown! (HVRs are deactivated just in time)
Legion: Robotopia…will have to wait.
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Back at Quark, Rusty says something to Slate about being lost in the crowd of copycats
and I think asks Dr Slate if she’d ever make a copy of him.
Slate: Of course not, Rusty… you’re one in a million.