Episode 3, The Inside Scoop writer - ?

- A Dr. Neugog is showing off his latest mind-reading invention to a bored Dr. Ellerbe at Quark.

Neugog: It’s fuzzy, but I’m getting a read – I’m seeing numbers.

Ellerbe: Surprising, considering I’m a mathematician

- Neugog figures he just needs more juice, since ‘The brain waves are augmented by my patented dynamo.’

As the power increases, this time Neugog gets a grocery list: ‘Bread, milk, and don’t forget the ointment for your rash!’

- Ellerbe is shocked, but at that moment, a spider falls into the dynamo machine, causing an explosion.

Ellerbe: Neugog, you’re a menace.

Neugog: Hey, smart guy. I smell something yummy. It’s your brain.

And we see that Neugog has turned into a monstrous spider-thing that proceeds to attack Dr. Ellerbe.

- At the SS Darkhorse, a battle takes place:

Garth: T-minus 3, 2, 1, destroy! And the pit crew proceeds to play their own version of Battle Bots.

Mack: It’s catching on, Lieutenant. Everyone’s got a robot pal these days. Dwayne grumbles about this, and Jo mentions that it’s cute how Rusty likes him.

Dwayne: Correction. He likes Big Guy. He doesn’t know about me.

- Or so he thinks. Back at Quark, Rusty is busy looking at a Big Guy web site for more information on him when Dr. Slate catches him.

Rusty: I wasn’t surfing. I was…browsing.

Dr. Slate reminds Rusty he’s not supposed to surf past power down time, and then notices he’s made his way to a Big Guy web site. She orders him to go to the artillery range even though it’s Rusty’s power down time.

Slate: Don’t argue – go! (looks back at screen) Rusty, you hacked your way into a classified military database.

- Slate finds that the BGY Project had a Phase I – Superstructure that was authorized. The surprise comes in Phase II – Artificial Intelligence’s video.

Gen. Thorton: How many fingers do you see?

BG: Thursday.

As a result, Phase II was declined. Phase III – Human Factor was therefore authorized. The pilot inside –Lt. Dwayne Hunter.

Slate: Big Guy, we hardly knew ye.

- Meanwhile, in another part of Quark, Donovan and Jenny have just discovered that Dr. Ellerbe has somehow been mentally incapacitated before a presentation of his findings for Quark.

Jenny: Think fast! (jabs at Ellerbe’s eyes)

Doctor: He can’t think at all. (shows on machine that Ellerbe’s a vegetable)

Donovan: Where in blazes did his brain waves go?

Jenny: It’s against company policy to go zombie the day before the trade show.

- Donovan is then alerted that a group of scientists were similarly attacked by something that looked like ‘a spider, only bigger’.

Jenny: Bigger than a bread box?

Guard: Bigger.

Donovan: Bigger than Big Guy?

Guard: Yup. Who ya gonna call?

- Back in her lab, Dr. Slate ponders into her tape recorder whether to tell Rusty, whose human emotion grid might not handle the realization of what BG really is.

Rusty: Tell me what, Dr. Slate?

Slate: Er, um,…

Rusty: (notices a picture of Lt. Dwayne from the Phase III portion of the website) Hey, are you and Lt. Dwayne sending pictures over the Internet? Whoa, you guys have a love connection! Is that what you wanted to tell me, Dr. Slate?

- Fortunately, Dr. Slate is saved by Rusty’s Big Guy signal going off. Since the emergency is at Quark, Big Guy arrives soon after. He deduces the monster is hiding in the ventilation system, and sends the smaller Rusty in to find it, which he does.

Rusty: Here’s the Wazoo Whopper, a Big Guy move. He still gets clobbered, though. Big Guy decides to try and get the monster to come out the other side.

BG: Little tight for me – I’ll smoke him out with a party favor! Which he does, and then prepares to go to the roof to intercept it.

Slate: Big Guy, you be careful in there. Inside BG, Dwayne looks confused.

- On the roof of Quark, Neugog emerges from the ventilation system, coughing, only to run into the Big Guy.

BG: Sounds like you could use a lozenge, one for each mouth (prepares missiles)

Neugog: Another robot – great…

- Neugog proves to have tough skin, though, and soon the two are attacking at close range. There, Neugog makes a discovery.

Neugog: Wait. I smell something squishy. Aha! You are hiding sweetbread in there. You dickens. Sadly, all Dwayne’s head is filled with are ‘military drills, tread repair, the Wazoo Whopper?’ Instead, he uses mind-control on Dwayne to have him find smarter brains. Dwayne’s eyes go red as he becomes a zombie..

- The Big Guy, mumbling ‘Brain’, smashes into Dr. Slate’s lab and kidnaps her. She frantically tries to snap him out of it, but he seems trapped in Neugog’s control.

- The Big Guy carries Dr. Slate to Neugog, who is suitably impressed.

Neugog: Mmm. Brimming with theorems, peppered with formulas – a delectable morsel.

- Slate is still trying to call Dwayne, but he’s really out of it. Then, Rusty arrives and decides Big Guy has his hands full trying to save Slate and take on Neugog

Rusty: Big Guy, tag team! (swoops and takes Slate from BG; the sudden action also distracts Neugog, who releases Dwayne from his mind control)

Dwayne: Wha-? He gets his bearings, but by then Neugog is gone. He elects to return to base to figure out what happened.

BG: Coming in for a systems check…

Dwayne: … and an aspirin.

- Rusty: Don’t be embarrassed Dr. Slate; after all, you’re a girl – we’re robots.

Slate: Yes, robots…

Rusty also mentions that the spider creature called itself Neugog when they were battling in the ventilation system; Slate realizes something must have happened to the scientist and goes to his lab for clues.

- Dr. Slate calls in Lt. Dwayne to show him what she’s come up with – a telepathy rig of Neugog’s that can protect the wearer from a mind wipe, or, as Dr. Slate says pointedly, his mind control.

Dwayne: I’m not sure I follow…

Slate: I’m sure you do.

- Dwayne continues to act evasive until Slate tells Dwayne she knows about the human factor and that he will need her help to not be vulnerable to Neugog’s attacks. Unbeknownst to her, Rusty is trying to listen through a window.

Rusty (as Slate): Blah, blah. Blah blah blah blah blah. (as Dwayne) Blah blah, blah blah blah. (as self) I don’t understand a word they’re saying. It must be the language of love. I hope they don’t kiss. Eww!

- Dwayne takes Slate to the SS Darkhorse via chopper. The soldiers on duty help land it.

Slate: Even they don’t know?

Dwayne: They think I’m his chief mechanic. He goes on to state that the only ones that know are his crew, the General, the BGY commission, ‘and now you’. He wonders if she’ll tell Rusty.

Slate: No; the Big Guy is Rusty’s hero, and I want to keep it that way.

- The pit crew is bemoaning Big Guy’s vulnerability to Neugog due to his human factor when suddenly they notice:

Jo: Dame on deck! (They frantically cover up the BG’s opening)

Dwayne: Cool it, you guys; she knows.

Garth: You told her?

Jo: She wormed it out of him.

Mack: Good night, nurse!

- Eventually, they let Slate explain how she can help the Big Guy. Again, Rusty is left on the other side of the glass to interpret what’s going on.

Rusty: It’s a love boat; they’re on their honeymoon!

- Meanwhile, Quark’s trade show is in full swing, as Donovan explains a complicated genetic equation while avoiding questions from the audience.

Donovan: Brilliant!

Jenny: Yes, it was brilliant to present Ellerbe’s work as your own.

Donovan: Ah, he’s too busy drooling on his shirt to care.

- Neugog also happens to at the trade show, and runs into Donovan..

Donovan: Neugog? Uh, you’re looking…good.

Neugog: So is your greasy brain right about now.

Donovan: Jenny, help!

Jenny: You’re not really interested in his mind. Everyone knows he sponges off the brilliance of others.

Still, Neugog wants to drain off Donovan simply because ‘I don’t like you.’

- Fortunately for Donovan, a scientist walks in at that moment..

Neugog: Mmm, Trigonometry. Good eats. He proceeds to attack the scientist, buying Donovan and Jenny some time.

- Apparently someone had time to hit the signal, because Big Guy is alerted, and is off. Rusty catches up and boards the Legend I.

Rusty: Big Guy, want to hear a secret?

BG: Pull the trigger, boy ranger.

Rusty: Slate and Dwayne, sitting in a tree, k-i-s-s-i-n-g…

Dwayne: What?!

- Back at the trade show, luck has run out for Donovan.

Neugog: I knew I’d find you here. I’m psychic. And he proceeds to attack.

Jenny: Your comb, sir. (notices he’s a vegetable) Oh, boy.

- Big Guy and Rusty choose this moment to arrive and attack Neugog.

Rusty: I see a soft spot! He tries to attack his brain, but Neugog is too fast.

Neugog: They don’t get it! I’m psychic! He then tries mind control on BG to destroy Rusty, but Dwayne, wearing the helmet, is nonplussed.

Rusty: Won’t work; we’re robots. We don’t have brains… not that we’re stupid.

- Still, Neugog manages to put Rusty down for the count, leaving BG on his own.

Neugog: I know you have a brain, and where there’s a brain, there’s pain!

- Neugog begins penetrating BG’s hull, to the horror of Dwayne’s crew, who are monitoring the BG back at the Darkhorse.

Garth: Hull’s breached; he’s in!

Dwayne (struggling against tentacles): I can see that…

- The pit crew, even Slate wants Dwayne to eject, as he’ll be better able to maneuver outside the BGY. Dwayne refuses, noting Rusty could see him.

Dwayne: The kid’ll come through.

Neugog (successfully uses tentacles to remove helmet): Pop goes the weasel!

Dwayne: Anytime now, kid…

Rusty: Pop this! (launches self into Neugog’s mouth)

Dwayne: Knew he’d come through.

- This distracts Neugog enough to remove his tentacles from inside, giving the BG enough time to drop a globe on Neugog and ...

BG: Say hello to the BGY incendiary device. (explodes on Neugog) You can probably see this coming; you’re psychic. But there’s not a thing you can do about it.

Rusty: Brained him!

BG: That you did, kid.

- Back at Quark, hilarity ensues as the cerebral downloads from Neugog with help from his telepathy dynamo are mixed up; I believe Donovan ended up in Ellerbe’s body. Meanwhile, Slate and Dwayne are having a powwow in her lab.

Slate: Why did you stay in the suit?

Dwayne: You’re the doctor; you tell me.

He also has something for Slate; a BG signal on a chain.

Slate: Pretty.

Dwayne: Call me anytime; I mean, in the event of a planet-threatening crisis.

Rusty (spying from a window, as usual): Jewelry – whoa, they’re going steady!