Episode 5, The Reluctant Assassin writer –?
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The Lincoln Memorial is being menaced by a man in an
exoskeleton (we’ll see more of him in a later episode, where he’s called Big
Rig)
Big Rig: Pardon me, Mr. President. I just wanted to say hello (aims gun)
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Rusty shows up and tries to intervene, but Big Rig
laughs off his efforts. Then the Big
Guy shows up
Big Rig: Sorry, Peewee. This is between the big boys now.
- Big Rig still thinks he has the upper hand, though, aiming at BGY.
Big Rig: Dumb robot.
Dwayne (annoyed): Actually, I’m neither.
- Thusly, BG brings out the big guns.
BG: The only thing more piping’ hot than Mom’s fresh-baked apple pie is the sting of my anti-terrorist lowlife mag-poppers. Wanna slice?
(Big Rig elects to bail out of the exoskeleton, surrendering.)
BG: Good choice
- Back at the firing range of Quark Headquarters, Rusty tries to convince Dr. Slate he needs more weapons.
Dr. Slate: Why do you need an ‘anti-terrorist lowlife mag-popper’? You’re already a walking nucleoprotonic arsenal.
- Meanwhile, Dr. Donovan and Jenny are testing a powerful robot of Dr. Rehnquist’s – the Eliminator.
- All of a sudden, the robot turns on Donovan and starts attacking him.
Jenny: If we separate, one of us may survive. (jumps off Donovan’s shoulder, the Eliminator goes after Donovan) And that would be me.
- Rusty tries to rebuff the Eliminator, reminding him that ‘robots don’t harm humans’, but gets knocked across the lab. Meanwhile, the Eliminator is about to drop Donovan off a ledge, but the Big Guy shows up.
Donovan: You’re like a son to me – a big, metal son.
Rusty (returns with a big gun): I may be small, but I’ll make him pay. Oh, hi Big Guy.
- In another part of Quark, an annoyed Dr. Gilder realizes the Eliminator failed to kill Donovan. In the elevator, he sees that Donovan ordered someone to confiscate the remains of his robot (including KX-5’s head) and send them to the grinder. Gilder is enraged.
- Dr. Slate discovers a ringer chip inside the Eliminator that looks to be from the Legion ex Machina. General Thorton calls a meeting of Slate, Rusty, BG, Donovan and Jenny to discuss the classified situation.
Rusty: What’s that mean?
Slate: Classified – that means its top secret.
- The Legion, ‘identities unknown and methods evil’, appears to be attempting to assassinate Donovan for some reason. The decision is made to sequester them somewhere.
Donovan: Bermuda!
Jenny: Borneo!
Donovan: Bermuda!
Jenny: Borneo!
- Gen. Thorton, however, thinks it would be safer to keep Donovan on the SS Darkhorse, where the Big Guy can keep a close eye on him.
Donovan: That grease pit?!
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Meanwhile, Dr. Gilder is getting chewed out by the
Legion for letting his obsession with ‘getting back’ at Donovan override his
spying duties. Already edgy and
stressed, he runs into Rusty, who shoots him with a rubber dart.
Rusty: Buddy, you’ve just been mag-popped.
Gilder (extremely twitchy): That’s cute, Rusty; that’s very, very cute!
Rusty (disappointed): Darn it, I’m sure as shootin’ sick and tired of being cute!
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Rusty tells Gilder about his desire for a bigger
weapon and offhandedly remarks that he won’t be able to find Donovan because he
had to leave because someone was trying to kill him. When Gilder tries to press Rusty to tell him where Donovan went,
Rusty says he can’t tell because it’s classified. Gilder decides to take
matters into his own hands, shutting off Rusty so he can reprogram him with a
ringer chip similar to the one in the Eliminator.
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Fortunately, Rusty’s backup systems kick in before
Gilder has the chance. Gilder covers
for his close call, and agrees to build Rusty a big gun of his own.
- Back at the USS Darkhorse, Donovan and Jenny are moving in; the pit crew is less than thrilled.
Donovan: Watch it! This lamp costs more than you’ll make in a lifetime.
He then proceeds to whine about being trapped on this grease pit, which the pit crew reminds him is their grease pit.
Donovan: Stop! Any closer, and I sic the robot on you… Is that thing even on?
BG: Testing! (noise is so loud, it causes the lamp to fall off its perch)
Donovan: My Tiffany! (grumbling) Trapped like a rat.
Dwayne
(stuck inside BG for obvious reasons): That makes two of us, pal.
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Back at Quark, Gilder presents Rusty with the
weapon, which Gilder encourages Rusty to go ahead and try it out. Unfortunately, it fuses to his hand; when
Dr. Slate comes by, he tries to hide it.
Gilder, meanwhile, can now tap into Rusty’s brain, and learns where
Donovan is. He sends out a phony
distress signal. Rusty uses it as an
excuse to escape Dr. Slate.
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Meanwhile, Donovan and Jenny are trying to get
beauty sleep on the Darkhorse; Garth uses the opportunity to slip Dwayne some
food
Garth: How’re you holding up?
Dwayne: Ham in a can. Times like this I wish Big Guy’s secret wasn’t so secret.
The ship’s
alarm goes off.
Jenny: Noisy naptime makes for cranky monkey.
Jo: Code Red! It’s a BEM.
Donovan: BEM?
Mack: Bug-Eyed Monster.
- So BG heads off; Rusty is trying to go in the same direction, but hears voices.
Rusty: Dr. Gilder, what are you doing inside my head?
Gilder: I’m in your brain, Rusty…
Gilder then proceeds to tell Rusty he now controls him and will use him to vaporize Dr. Donovan.
Rusty: That wouldn’t be nice.
He tries to alert Dr. Slate, but Gilder forces his hand to his mouth.
Gilder: Ah, ah. Loose lips.
Controlling Rusty, Gilder sends him to the Darkhorse.
- Meanwhile, BG follows the summons to the New Tronic Country Club.
BG: Anybody want pie? Piping hot!
(wedding guests look confused)
BG: Ah, Mazel tov, citizens.
Meanwhile, Rusty arrives at the Darkhorse.
Rusty: I won’t vaporize Dr. Donovan, I won’t!
Mack (serving Donovan food): Wednesday’s special – slop.
Rusty: Run! I’m gonna vaporize you!
Jenny: Nice of him to warn us.
- An errant blast has set fire to some boxes; the pit crew has to deal with that first while Donovan and Jenny flee Rusty.
Jenny: Separate! (Once again, they separate, and once again the assassin follows Donovan). Works every time.
And Gilder,
controlling Rusty, backs Donovan into a corner.
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Fortunately, BG arrives back at the Darkhorse at
this moment, and punts Rusty away from Donovan like a football. Rusty explains
that there’s some sort of ringer chip in his noggin and the blaster is stuck to
his hand.
Rusty: Please don’t make me shoot you, Big Guy!
- Meanwhile, Dr. Slate tracks down the crank call, but is surprised to see it coming from within Quark. She traces it to Gilder’s lab, where she finds him in the process of controlling Rusty. After an initial struggle, Slate disables the machine.
Rusty (at Darkhorse, independently moving his hand): Hey, I got my arm back!
But Gilder proves to be uninjured and reenables the program; Slate elects to run
Rusty (as Gilder reasserts control, disappointed): Awww…
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Before he can get a shot off with the blaster,
though, the BG thinks fast and breaks off Rusty’s arm, therefore removing the
threat. BG replaces it with one of his
own powerful blasters, though a bit big for Rusty.
Rusty: No pain receptors!
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Slate makes it to a secured area (code:911), but
Gilder is able to break through. She
then realizes Gilder must be a robot, further proven when he rips off his
skin. Before he can attack Slate,
though, BG and Rusty show up. During
the fight that ensues, Gilder ironically falls into the shredder.
Gilder: Arrrr! I hate my life! Only
his head remains now…
Rusty (referring to his temporary blaster arm): Dr. Slate, can I keep it?
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Back at Legion headquarters, the other members
believe that despite this setback, they can still continue with Project
A-12000. And the lesson they’ve learned
from Gilder’s rapid descent into obsessive insanity is, ‘We must control our
emotion grids’. Yes, the Legion members
don’t just make robots – they are robots.