Episode 9, Moon Madness writer –?
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At Quark’s Mission Control, Donovan and his staff
prepare to check the status of their newly launched space station via its
artificial intelligence, EDIE.
Edie: Good morning, Doctor. Space Station Orbiter 1 is fully functional.
Donovan: Now be a good little supercomputer and run a prelim on the asteroid buster.
Edie has other ideas, though, and announces that she wants Quark’s UBIK chip so she can become queen of the world.
Jenny: Edie might be a few monkeys short of a full barrel.
Donovan: Forget it, sister! We just spent a fortune on it!
Jenny: Way to negotiate, sir!
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Not to worry, though; BG and Rusty are on the case,
heading to New Tronic City to ward off the onslaught of weapons.
BG: When will they learn? You can’t fight city hall!
Rusty: Ooo! Fireworks!
- They arrive in time to snag the bomb before it hits city hall, but Edie keeps tossing more out.
Rusty: Dam! Comin’ at ya with a classic Big Guy bullet bender!
BG: Good bullet bender; mine needs a little work.
BG gets submerged in the water,
but quickly resurfaces.
BG: Ahoy!
- After the initial onslaught, Edie demands the UBIK chip or she will blow up the moon. A meeting is called at Quark to discuss the situation. Apparently wants the UBIK chip, giving her access to all Q99 chips, which are in all computation machines. Therefore, Edie would have total control of the world’s machines, making her queen of the world.
Thornton: The Pentagon?
Donovan: Quark?
Jenny: My Sony Playstation?
Donovan can’t see why they don’t
just let Edie blow up the moon rather than give up the expensive chip; Dr.
Slate points out that destruction of the moon would mean 100% annihilation.
- Quark decides to accept Edie’s demands for now, and ask what her terms are. She says they have 48 hours to bring her the chip, and can only have two personnel – one technician to install the chip, and one pilot to fly the space shuttle.
Edie: Any sight of your robot heroes will result in total lunar annihilation.
- Thornton and the BG crew, meanwhile are trying to figure out a plan to disable Edie back at the military base. They plan to send Slate and Lt. Hunter as the personnel, with BG hidden in pieces within the shuttle. There will be an 18-minute window as Edie’s chip installs that BG can be assembled for battle. Howver…
Jo: A 25-minute, three man job!
Thornton: Then you’ll just have to find a way to do it in 18 minutes.
Slate then asks how they plan to hide Rusty, and Thornton nixes this idea for the mission.
Thornton: The boy robot’s too green.
Rusty: (wanders in) What’s this about a mission?
Thornton: Classified. Get him out of here.
Rusty gets scooted out of the room.
Rusty: Aw!
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Thornton now faces the task of getting Slate and Lt.
Hunter space-ready in less than 48 hours.
A brief sequence then follows of Slate being put through the rigors of
space testing with Rusty inevitably popping up and then being scooted out, and
of Dwayne trying to assemble the BGY-11 underwater in 18 minutes or less.
Hunter: The best I can do is 18 minutes, 20 seconds.
Thornton: Well, you’ll have the rest of your flight to figure out how to shave off 20 seconds.
Dwayne’s cover will be a hologram of himself to
trick Edie’s sensors.
Thornton: She’ll have full view of you in the cockpit… or so she’ll think.
And just like that, Slate and Hunter are rushed off to the space shuttle.
Rusty: They’re going to outer space without me?
So of course, Rusty stows away in a hidden panel
of the space shuttle. As the space
shuttle prepares to lift off, Lt. Hunter winks at Dr. Slate, and off they go.
- They arrive and dock at the space shuttle, where Edie tells them to prepare for a scan to make sure no other people or robots are on board. And Rusty chooses this moment to pop up.
Rusty: Hey guys! I’m rarin’ to go!
- As the scan draws ever closer, Lt. Hunter and Dr. Slate panic. At the last minute, Dwayne ejects Rusty outside the shuttle through the garbage disposal.
Rusty: Hmmph – not what I meant.
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So Edie clears the shuttle, and allows Slate to
enter the space shuttle with the chip.
Edie: Pilot, you will remain in the shuttle.
Dwayne: You’re the boss.
Dwayne waits a bit, then activates
the hologram and begins to frantically assemble BG, at one point grabbing a
stray screwdriver before it crosses Edie’s line of sight.
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Once inside the station, little robot drones collect
Slate’s space suit, since the station has gravity and oxygen. Then a huge,
hulking robot shows up.
Edie: Stanley will be your escort; I like having a he-man around the house.
Meanwhile, Rusty is still out in space.
Rusty: The moon looks nothing like cheese.
He decides to keep an eye on Slate through the
station’s windows.
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As Slate waits for the chip to install, Edie engages
in some polite conversation.
Edie: So, tell me about Lt. Hunter.
Slate: Oh, the pilot. (nervously) Nice guy.
Edie: Do the two of you possess any romantic involvement?
Slate: (nervous) Where would you get that idea?
Edie: The way your body temperature spikes at the mere mention of his name. That would suggest passion… or extreme emotional duress.
So at about the 17:39 mark, Edie
catches on.
Edie: You have exercised deception.
Dr. Slate removes the chip from
Edie’s hard drive.
Edie: Be careful with my chip, Dr. Slate.
Unbeknownst to Dr. Slate, a robot
is sneaking up on her from behind. Rusty sees, though, and tries to warn her,
but the glass is too thick.
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Back in the shuttle, Dwayne has almost finished BG,
except for installation of a board, which he decides not to install to finish
on time. Which is good, because Edie’s
robots come knocking at that moment.
BG: I’m not decent! (punches robots) I’ll have to say so long the up close and in your face way.
- My memory’s rusty at this point, but Rusty somehow boards the space station to save Dr. Slate I think. I also think the space shuttle got detached from the station somehow.
Rusty: All right, space case! You want some bang for your buck?
Edie: Don’t rush to judgment, automatons.
If memory serves, he recaptures
the UBIK chip, but Edie retaliates by sending Stanley to the moon with an
explosive missile, which I believe Rusty protests. Stuff happens, and Edie says
Edie: Keep your moon; I’ll take my chip.
And then more stuff happens, and I
forget how, but a hole gets blown in the station, sucking out Rusty, Slate,
some smaller robots, and the UBIK chip. And Dr. Slate isn’t wearing her space
suit, remember?
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Fortunately, as she’s flying off, BG catches her and
pulls her into the shuttle bay docks or something.
BG: Baby, it’s cold outside. (notices Slate is gasping) No more oxygen.
By the time Rusty’s caught up to BG, he tells him they lost Dr. Slate. BG says that she was rescued and is safely on the shuttle heading back with Lt. Hunter. In actuality, both are crammed inside BG’s cockpit. BG instructs Rusty to take care of Edie while he goes after Stanley on the moon. So at the space station…
Rusty: Edie, prepare to crash!
Edie: We’ll see who crashes whom.
Slate: You’ve got to be kidding me!
Dwayne: Welcome to my world.
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BG successfully lands on the moon.
BG: That’s one small step for man, two giant boots for handsome.
Where he spies Stanley tinkering
with the timing device on the bomb.
Dwayne: Ever been in a brawl?
Slate: I’ve never been to the moon.
BG (approaching Stanley): No more ticking clocks!
Stanley grabs at BG’s hand.
BG: I want to hold your hand, too, bub.
And they start to tussle. BG gets some distance and prepares to fire
those elbow blasters, but – nothing happens.
Slate: You didn’t install the weapons drive?
Dwayne: I had to shave twenty
seconds.
- Back on the space station, Rusty asks Edie why she’s so mean.
Edie: Mean, kind, happy, sad – such human frailties are not part of my programming. I am pure intellect. Watch as I feel no remorse while shutting you down.
Rusty thinks fast before she
actually does this, and tells her he’ll give her the UBIK chip, which he
rescued as it was being vacuumed into space.
She just has to extract it from his head, where it was stored.
Rusty: That tickles!
- Back on the moon, BG is getting roughed up something fierce, which doesn’t help the crowded passengers inside him.
Dwayne: My spleen! (to Slate) If you can find the elbow room, install the weapons drive.
While Slate does this, Stanley
throws BG again, this time into the Apollo 15 shrine, destroying it.
BG: Ooh, you’ve done it now!
Don’t fully remember what happens, but BG gets his weapons back before Stanley can finish tinkering with the bomb. He somehow ends up on the bomb as it flies off into space and explodes.
BG: Bon voyage! That’s all the boom we have room for. (flies off) Full moon tonight. And it’ll stay that way.
- Back on the space station, BG finds Rusty playing a computer game with…Edie.
Edie: Big Guy, I’m sure as shootin’ glad everything’s back to A-OK!
BG: Care to explain, kid?
Apparently Rusty thought it was sad she didn’t have any emotions, so he tricked her into uploading his backup chip for his human emotion grid. This Edie has now lost interest in world domination.
- So now it’s time to go home, which for Dwayne and Slate will be a long and cramped trip. I think Lt. Hunter makes some crack about playing cards.
Slate: Is there a bathroom in here?
Dwayne: Welcome to my world.